Astha and Manan were part of a batch of 100 recruited from their colleges, by my IT company . Leaving their hometowns, Gwalior and Bhopal respectively, they landed up in same training class in Hyderabad. Astha was six months elder to Manan but with same year of graduation, they were peers now. Suddenly away from family, lonely, independent, earning and in their early 20s, both sought support in each other's company and kept getting closer to each other. Typical small town middle class graduate engineers with dreams of joining the millions of new liberalized, global Indians. Both were very shy and withdrawn, but very determined and hardworking. Not very comfortable speaking English but on technical matters, very thorough. Both were easily the most mild mannered of the lot and may be that the opposites attract, but they seemed similar and yet attracted to each other.
On the personal front, things moved expectedly and soon, initial friendship transformed to love and then when they travelled back together for Diwali and Astha's parents met Manan, marriage quickly became just a matter of time.
They married next year. It was 2005.
Since their marriage, they have stayed together as both have been in the same project. First few years in one project in Hyderabad and in 2008 they moved to US together. I came to know them in 2009 on joining their project.
Being reserved by nature, both go largely unnoticed, except for occasional appreciation for their good work. Things were and seemed normal, till....
During annual performance appraisals, last year, there were some tough decisions to be made. Due to bell-curve for performance ratings and pyramidical hierarchy, vacancies for promotions and over 10% salary hikes were both, possible in very few cases. Being of same seniority, both had similar expectations and career profile- so comparisons were obvious. Better halves were competing halves.
Manan, easily the technically more brilliant of the two, was worthy but when all round feedback was sought, Astha stood out for her greater communication skills in addition to a an equally good technical knowledge and impressive customer feedback too. If it was to be just one, then Astha had to be that. Ironically, a minimum rating was must for promotion so it was to be just one take-all. Astha got promotion, and a high rating as also a higher salary compared to Manan.
I had not bargained for the shattering effect this rather positive appreciation of her performance would result in. Spousal rivalry, is understandable now, but the extent had escaped me then. Manan went into denial, had ugly showdown, became withdrawn and within a month, resigned.
Astha possibly had serious fight with Manan over Manan pressurizing her to resign too in solidarity over his perceived injustice. Manan moved alone to San Francisco as Astha continued in Los Angeles in my team. They would visit each other every fortnight but the chemistry seemed faded to me, on both occasions when I met them. Astha soon confirmed that they both were losing financially too due to running two establishments and travel costs. They were both now near 30 and childless despite 7 years of marriage.
I felt that project’s selfish interests were breaking up a family unit and advised her to resign and join her husband. It was good 9 months before she could finally do that as she searched for the right job. But on getting the job offer, her problems seemed to have only increased.
“Sir, the problem is in the offer that I have got, my salary is almost $20,000 more than what Manan gets from his company. That is almost 30% more. And he would not say it but I know it would lead to awkward undercurrent always.”
“But you said you have financial problems. Being DINKs (Double Income with No Kids), for last 7 years and still not even having a bank balance, leave alone a house- all despite dollar salaries!!! And when you get Goddess Lakshmi to walk in through the door, you say you are not interested!” I was flabbergasted.
“Its after a long time that things seem to be moving in right direction between both of us. I will move back with him. We need to plan our family. But, I cannot rock the boat yet again. That would be disastrous. There should be harmony.” Astha knew her priorities.
“So? You won’t join this new job?”
“I don’t know.” Astha was confused.
Reading between her lines, my personal take was that sex being such a strange animal, the reason she may not be conceiving could be that their inter-spouse professional rivalry sneaked in through the bedroom door.
After some brainstorming and lot of convincing, we worked out a solution. Astha would seek her new employer to restructure the compensation plan to show lesser take-home pay than the figure for Manan. But, she would get enhanced perks, and net cost to company would remain the same. So, she would get an allowance to travel to India free with family at company expense, get a year-end bonus through stock options and get additional paid leaves (anticipating pregnancy she wanted reduced work hours). Manan was not to be told any of it and would be told about the package without the perks, and get to know the monthly take-home salary. That part took convincing for Astha to agree. She could get her employer to agree with some alibi of a reason. Astha reckoned that post-pregnancy she may get away from comparisons with Manan and possibly not join job in a while.
Astha just left for San Francisco, this week. I have moved out of formal association with her on the project. She wrote me a mail on her moving out saying she is determined to focus on her personal life. She says Manan seemed happy at the latest turn of events. Of course she went with the plan of not sharing the restructuring part of her pay offer.
When I called her last, she seemed bubbly in her spirits. She said she would let me know of the good news soon.
For My Pati Parmeshwar...how much is too much? Astha doesn’t ask. It’s a tribute to womanhood, for the unsung sacrifices they make, to make the world around them, a nice place.
How much is too much ? Well, to each her own. All I know is, personally speaking, that I would not be able to do what she did, and probably would not care to either. I would seriously question the relationship that can't sustain my professional growth. But well, I cant judge anyone else, since everyone has their own ideologies !
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