Life loves a happy face

Band Baaja Baarat

Manisha Kalra (nee Manisha Chhabra), is not just Punjabi, but for me she defines the proverbial Punjabiyat that the punju characters in movies have come to be associated with- Cheerful, loud (for others, but below the median among cacophonous Punjabis) and with an infectious joie-de-vivre. And, of course a never say die spirit and a positive attitude to life!

But, Manisha, like everyone else, has not been delivered a bed of roses, for her life. She has had her share of ups and downs. It was just three years ago. Manisha Chhabra’s wedding got fixed with Dheeraj Kalra. Manisha and her giggly cousins were waiting for this moment. Leg pulling, shopping, plans for all related events like Ladies sangeet, Mehndi , Roka, Ring ceremony etc etc. Chhabra household matched Manisha for her mirth. It was one happy moment in their middle class family.

Honeymoon ke liye kahan jayegi?

"I donno. Dheeraj is very “dheela” in these things. Zyada bolta nahi hai." Manisha would enjoy such talk.

A man of few words, Dheeraj was relatively shy. Well anyone will be relatively shy in front of Manisha. And opposites attract. He silent. Happy just admiring Manisha silently. She was outspoken. By whom- Dheeraj would wonder. But then, he loved Manisha.

Dheeraj surprised Manisha, even by her own standards, on their honeymoon plans. Dheeraj booked their honeymoon for Singapore, a favorite for yuppies. Manisha wouldn’t stop boasting about it and her friends wouldn’t stop teasing her making her imagine what they would do on their honeymoon. She had to shop a lot, she smiled to herself- shopping before going, and in Singapore too!

Life was good! Shehnai baji, phere hue and all else….. Manisha was living a happy dream.

After the marriage

Manisha got married and came to Kalra household. She wasn’t too worried about mother in law hassles though her first brush over some trivial issue was not too good. She knew Dheeraj would have to remain mostly outstation, he being in Army. And her in-laws would continue in Delhi. A matter-of-fact thought, that was brought to bear on her when the rishta came first, to be successfully ‘sold’ through that neighbourhood aunt.

But script was being written by the Almighty. Within 48 hours of her marriage, her father-in-law suddenly collapsed and refused to breathe again. From a house of happiness, Kalra household became one of mourning. Manisha was shocked. Her honeymoon?- Aah, even the mention would have been inappropriate. "God, why me? Why now?" She cried incessantly in the bathroom, unable to share her feelings with anyone.

Not that the tears were not on flow everywhere else in the household. Her mother-in-law was absolutely distraught.

To add salt to injury, Manisha overheard a stinging word. It was absolutely avoidable but it hurt her like a dagger stabbed. Manhoos (bad omen)- she just remembered the word and rest of sentence didn’t matter to her. One of the aunts she wont want to remember. Punjabis can be such cruel. Because they talk a lot, they talk nonsense too.

Upto the Challenge

Manisha called her mom that night. 'Called' would be incorrect to say because she mostly wept and listened. Manisha's mother was a calm, gentle lady and in such moment all her practical wisdom was to the fore. Manisha was to remain positive and take control. It was her destiny. It was her moment. She knew her mother (of course) and valued her advise. We all need such pillars in life in moments of acute distress. Her mother advised her to let her actions speak and just ignore any negativity of situation and just be positive. Manisha had learnt to live only one way- To be positive. She just needed reminding.

She had a blank canvas in a new household to build and paint her reputation on. Life has challenges. Challenges are opportunities. And here was an opportunity. Opportunities throw choices.We choose the consequences when we choose from the options. Our choices make our destiny.She chose hers. If someone threw a blot at her canvas, she still could paint over it.

From that moment on...ok well, before that, we need to define the moment. It was the same moment when Manisha should have boarded her flight with Dheeraj to Singapore. But now, all that was not to be. So, from that moment on, she decided to make the most of what cards she had been dealt with.

Manisha took Dheeraj into confidence and they jointly made her mother-in-law(MIL)'s recovery their mission. Her MIL had gone weak, was depressed and fell sick often. She would not talk. To make her talk, Manisha made it a point to talk to her regularly. Initially it was not easy but then soon she gained acceptance. 

Life returns

Manisha told me a secret. "Whatever happens, one should always remain on talking terms. That is why the phrase has a place in the language." Even if nothing happens, one must talk to people one loves and likes. It keeps the emotions of love and affection simmering. She says she had her moments of MIL-DIL tiffs but always shed ego to talk the next possible opportunity but not later than a day. That repairs the situation.  "I never say ki baat nahi karoongi, khana nahi khaaongi just because I am upset with Dheeraj or my MIL. " I like to talk and eat, naa," she giggled. Over period, her MIL became her best friend and biggest fan. She would praise her everywhere. Manisha's colleagues in office were surprised that she stays with MIL and is still cordial with her. Dheeraj quit Army and was settled in Delhi too. It was then that Manisha joined my company in Delhi.

Manisha went for her honeymoon on her first wedding anniversary.

Within next 2 years, she cleared her MBA exam. She joined the prestigious Indian School of Business and was a unique student with hubby, baby and MIL in tow on campus. She says she owes it to her hubby and MIL's full support. I never hesitate to tell her story to motivate people who think that remaining positive in all situations is not possible. Or that sacrifices don't work in today's world. Manisha's adaptability and flexibility with her life worked to her advantage, and that of others. I must say, credit goes to Dheeraj and his mother too, because they are also nice people. Tragedy can strike anyone but strong families, and they are simple and normal people who have strong bonds with each other, can weather it all.

Endnote: When good people meet other good people, not only they both gain, but the whole world becomes a better place to live in.

(When Koyal became 19, a wedding offer came and despite Koyal's exceptional academics and her wishes to marry after completing studies, her parents forced her to marry. Koyal's star-crossed life.....in my next post.)

People like us...Lives unlike ours(Part-2)

Over next few days we had frequent calls and online chats. Sheetal's unravelling story had me rivetted.

Flashback
Twelve years back, Sheetal, a bright young girl then, was excited to join college. Only child, she was the pride of her middle class parents, since she surpassed their humble life, because of her education already. She was brilliant and was pursuing a course in BA English Hons. I was not surprised given her impeccable diction and fluency.

Attractive she was and it was not long before a girl of less than twenty with stars in her eyes, fell in love with her classmate Junaid. It was the famed first love so romanticized in popular filmlore, with all its innocence and purity. Her eyes must have been twinkling and voice had that floating feeling of another world as she recalled those days to me. But..then! Why it happens always? Like in movies, there were villains. The fairies met their devils in dreamland. Devils of the mind and those of the society. Sheetal had already gone and committed to the relationship beyond love. She refused to abort Junaid's child and Junaid reneged on his promise to marry her due to religious intolerance from his parents. Sheetal was ruined. Or was she?

Not yet. Sheetal's parents knew about her pregnancy or not, I don't know. But Sheetal engineered a quick marriage with Samanth. Her parents had started to find a groom for her sensing the worst when she broke news of her affair few months back. She won't admit but I feel she judged that weak personality that Samanth is, she would be able to cuckold him with least ado. And so she did. Its now 10 years or so but Samanth is neither able to consummate with Sheetal nor able to divorce though he sensed early on that he was the wronged one. They stay separate for most periods and Sheetal has full access and rights over Samanth's home, parents and assets.

Drifting Away
But destiny has rather familiar ways to do justice and like fools we think that is the prerogative of the courts. And then there is society that is capable on its own, to deal with sins, regardless of law. And above all, is the power supreme; Almighty God!

A year or two after the birth of the baby, Samanth started becoming detached. She depended solely on his innocent parents but they could be of help only to an extent at their age. She was smart and ambitious, now stuck in a situation she didnt enjoy a bit. Being a city girl, and devoid of all support, her aspirations and life became slave to a child's needs. Her parents had given up on her wayward behaviour and retired to a life away from prying eyes of the society. She had not much option left but to face life all by herself.

Through an old college friend's recommendation, and given her fluent English, she got a job in the backoffice of an MNC. Sheetal was introduced to her first employer and people around her quickly figured out that she was hapless. Her separated status, mid twenties age and rather lonely life attracted prying eyes of male predators. I guess her own need for money made her a willing prey too. She soon landed up in an affair and was fired alongwith the other staffer

Not so Public Relations
She returned back to her friend. Now, to get another job. He was to become her job-hop manager for many years to come, and even till date. Sheetal's social circle and possibly Junaid's bragging meant that Sheetal's secret was known to many, including this friend. Over no time, this friend started to make advances. She obliged rather willingly.

The guy was none other but Adi.

Adi and Sheetal had a love-hate relationship. Both couldn't resist each other and nor could avoid exploiting/opposing each other. Adi got Sheetal lured into big money.....and, big bad world of PR. The PR of Sheetal and Adi's world was different. Their definition of PR had P silent. It was relations only and silent P meant 'secret' and 'private'. I  was reminded of Bipasha's character  in the movie Corporate. Welcome to the big bad world of corporate honeytraps that forge secret private relations to further clients' businesses. Sheetal was one such honeytrap; a 'clandestine human intelligence asset'. And Adi, an asset manager or in crude words- an exploitative pimp.

A World Apart

Sheetal could put any Ivy League Grad to shame with her business knowledge and intelligence. And her fluency and personality could make her seem the new-age woman all women's magazines eulogize about. Sheetal was like any of us or our colleagues we daily meet and know of. She could have well been the CEO of a company and run it more profitably than any we may know. But then it was not to be. She still took enormous risks and worked hard, calculatively and intelligently, but just to get on with life. She had thrills. She enjoyed. She had her adventures and risks. Beneath her exterior that was like a mirror to me when i first saw her, her world had layers that concealed an explosive thrill and an explosive risk!  But she was not reaching anywhere. Just enjoying the journey. The mirror just reflected the first layer.

Somewhere in all her roller-coaster was lost an Alice in wonderland. Her daughter- Piya! I was always furious at Sheetal for that.
"What you are doing to her is illegal and immoral. She is being tortured by her own mother. Why? Just because she cannot speak for herself? Don't you feel guilty?"
"I don't think that is fair to say and I do my best to take care of her. She has her happy moments with me too." Sheetal would go in denial with very predictable excuses.
Sheetal did understand however, what I intended and may be it had some impact on her. But she had compulsions of her world, where little Piya was just getting trampled. She seemed clear in her mind to save enough to pack her off to a boarding school soon.

Sheetal and I realized pretty early on in our conversations and mutually agreed that our worlds were as different as chalk and cheese. I had to give up temptation to try and change it. I restricted myself to only see this hitherto unseen world from the safety of distance and she obliged. She wanted to seek advise on many aspects of her life, from someone not part of her life. I obliged too. The mutual trust was always held and Sheetal opened her life like a book to me. Over next three months we both learnt a lot, to say the least.

A chance meeting in a hotel lobby had started it all. To connect two worlds that would never have.

(I could blog on Sheetal's life till it is a complete book. For "us", with normal lives on this side of the Lakshman Rekha, it may get heavy and unreal. On balance, there are two detailed episodes of Sheetal's life that I was privy to and that showed me what her life is like.  I would share these at a later time.)

Next blog post- Hubby, Mother in law, and Boss! Management lessons applied managing real life. World of newly married MBA Manager, Manisha.