Life loves a happy face

Band Baaja Baarat

Manisha Kalra (nee Manisha Chhabra), is not just Punjabi, but for me she defines the proverbial Punjabiyat that the punju characters in movies have come to be associated with- Cheerful, loud (for others, but below the median among cacophonous Punjabis) and with an infectious joie-de-vivre. And, of course a never say die spirit and a positive attitude to life!

But, Manisha, like everyone else, has not been delivered a bed of roses, for her life. She has had her share of ups and downs. It was just three years ago. Manisha Chhabra’s wedding got fixed with Dheeraj Kalra. Manisha and her giggly cousins were waiting for this moment. Leg pulling, shopping, plans for all related events like Ladies sangeet, Mehndi , Roka, Ring ceremony etc etc. Chhabra household matched Manisha for her mirth. It was one happy moment in their middle class family.

Honeymoon ke liye kahan jayegi?

"I donno. Dheeraj is very “dheela” in these things. Zyada bolta nahi hai." Manisha would enjoy such talk.

A man of few words, Dheeraj was relatively shy. Well anyone will be relatively shy in front of Manisha. And opposites attract. He silent. Happy just admiring Manisha silently. She was outspoken. By whom- Dheeraj would wonder. But then, he loved Manisha.

Dheeraj surprised Manisha, even by her own standards, on their honeymoon plans. Dheeraj booked their honeymoon for Singapore, a favorite for yuppies. Manisha wouldn’t stop boasting about it and her friends wouldn’t stop teasing her making her imagine what they would do on their honeymoon. She had to shop a lot, she smiled to herself- shopping before going, and in Singapore too!

Life was good! Shehnai baji, phere hue and all else….. Manisha was living a happy dream.

After the marriage

Manisha got married and came to Kalra household. She wasn’t too worried about mother in law hassles though her first brush over some trivial issue was not too good. She knew Dheeraj would have to remain mostly outstation, he being in Army. And her in-laws would continue in Delhi. A matter-of-fact thought, that was brought to bear on her when the rishta came first, to be successfully ‘sold’ through that neighbourhood aunt.

But script was being written by the Almighty. Within 48 hours of her marriage, her father-in-law suddenly collapsed and refused to breathe again. From a house of happiness, Kalra household became one of mourning. Manisha was shocked. Her honeymoon?- Aah, even the mention would have been inappropriate. "God, why me? Why now?" She cried incessantly in the bathroom, unable to share her feelings with anyone.

Not that the tears were not on flow everywhere else in the household. Her mother-in-law was absolutely distraught.

To add salt to injury, Manisha overheard a stinging word. It was absolutely avoidable but it hurt her like a dagger stabbed. Manhoos (bad omen)- she just remembered the word and rest of sentence didn’t matter to her. One of the aunts she wont want to remember. Punjabis can be such cruel. Because they talk a lot, they talk nonsense too.

Upto the Challenge

Manisha called her mom that night. 'Called' would be incorrect to say because she mostly wept and listened. Manisha's mother was a calm, gentle lady and in such moment all her practical wisdom was to the fore. Manisha was to remain positive and take control. It was her destiny. It was her moment. She knew her mother (of course) and valued her advise. We all need such pillars in life in moments of acute distress. Her mother advised her to let her actions speak and just ignore any negativity of situation and just be positive. Manisha had learnt to live only one way- To be positive. She just needed reminding.

She had a blank canvas in a new household to build and paint her reputation on. Life has challenges. Challenges are opportunities. And here was an opportunity. Opportunities throw choices.We choose the consequences when we choose from the options. Our choices make our destiny.She chose hers. If someone threw a blot at her canvas, she still could paint over it.

From that moment on...ok well, before that, we need to define the moment. It was the same moment when Manisha should have boarded her flight with Dheeraj to Singapore. But now, all that was not to be. So, from that moment on, she decided to make the most of what cards she had been dealt with.

Manisha took Dheeraj into confidence and they jointly made her mother-in-law(MIL)'s recovery their mission. Her MIL had gone weak, was depressed and fell sick often. She would not talk. To make her talk, Manisha made it a point to talk to her regularly. Initially it was not easy but then soon she gained acceptance. 

Life returns

Manisha told me a secret. "Whatever happens, one should always remain on talking terms. That is why the phrase has a place in the language." Even if nothing happens, one must talk to people one loves and likes. It keeps the emotions of love and affection simmering. She says she had her moments of MIL-DIL tiffs but always shed ego to talk the next possible opportunity but not later than a day. That repairs the situation.  "I never say ki baat nahi karoongi, khana nahi khaaongi just because I am upset with Dheeraj or my MIL. " I like to talk and eat, naa," she giggled. Over period, her MIL became her best friend and biggest fan. She would praise her everywhere. Manisha's colleagues in office were surprised that she stays with MIL and is still cordial with her. Dheeraj quit Army and was settled in Delhi too. It was then that Manisha joined my company in Delhi.

Manisha went for her honeymoon on her first wedding anniversary.

Within next 2 years, she cleared her MBA exam. She joined the prestigious Indian School of Business and was a unique student with hubby, baby and MIL in tow on campus. She says she owes it to her hubby and MIL's full support. I never hesitate to tell her story to motivate people who think that remaining positive in all situations is not possible. Or that sacrifices don't work in today's world. Manisha's adaptability and flexibility with her life worked to her advantage, and that of others. I must say, credit goes to Dheeraj and his mother too, because they are also nice people. Tragedy can strike anyone but strong families, and they are simple and normal people who have strong bonds with each other, can weather it all.

Endnote: When good people meet other good people, not only they both gain, but the whole world becomes a better place to live in.

(When Koyal became 19, a wedding offer came and despite Koyal's exceptional academics and her wishes to marry after completing studies, her parents forced her to marry. Koyal's star-crossed life.....in my next post.)